“Always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody says distract you from your goals” —Michelle Obama

What is your Identity? How many of you can answer that question truthfully?

Let's do a small exercise and find out whether you can answer that question truthfully. I want you all to stand up and go to any mirror in your house. If you have done that, the next step is to look into your eyes, ask yourself this question: 

“WHO AM I?”

 There are so many of us who hide our true selves, behind a façade of what other people want to see.  I was one of them. I grew up in a small city, in the South of India where everyone knows everyone (or that's what they say). I am an extrovert by nature and I always knew I had a large, full-of-life personality. Now, the personality that I have, is not acceptable in my city. Many of my friends and relatives would look down on me if I talked a lot or was active in get-togethers. The same friends and relatives would go and tell my parents, “Control your daughter.” My parents, also grew up in the same city, so they thought that my nature was unacceptable. They told me that being an extrovert was wrong and that I could not behave that way. At that time, I was young and couldn’t understand what was wrong with having a large personality or being an extrovert. 

I started believing all of them and created a façade of a different person. I did this because I did not want to be an outcast. I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be likable by all, friends, and relatives. I was slowly killing myself and my self-identity. By doing this, my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Guess what, after creating a façade of a different identity, many still treated me as an outcast and bullied me for who I was. I did not fight back; I was hiding behind my fears of not being accepted by society.  I allowed people to walk over me like I was some kind of trash. Eventually, they wrote me off.  Many years later, I realized what I did, and now I have embraced my identity, flaws, and all.

Breaking A Wall

Many years have passed now since I embraced my identity. There are some whom I meet who knew me as a child and they ask, “You have changed so much?” I just smile at them and say, “Yes, I have…” 

It took a great deal out of me to break that façade I built around myself. I felt that the wall was choking me and I just could not breathe. My confidence was at an all-time low. Despite all that, I could still hear the voice of my original self-saying, “You can do it…break the wall now.” I knew if I did not listen, I would not be doing justice to myself and to my God who created me and gave me life. I came across a book by Louisa Hay, called Mirror Work. In this book, she explains how to love yourself. One simple exercise she insists on doing is looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you, (your name).”

Fighting Unwanted Thoughts

There are days when I still hide behind that wall. There are days when I feel most comfortable behind that wall. It happens most when I have to publish a blog, or speak in a public forum or put myself out there for the world to see. I still get thoughts about how I am not good enough, or I wonder what people will think of me. During those times, I also hear the voice again saying, “Be comfortable in the uncomfortable.” I realize that is the only way forward. And trust me, I don’t want to go back there behind the wall.

Being Inspired

In all honesty, I have tried everything under the sun to not go back to that dark place behind the wall. One of the many things that helped is being inspired by stories of women who have had so many hardships in their life and have made it. The most recent book I read was, BECOMING by Michelle Obama. She accepted who she was from the very beginning and excelled at everything she put her mind to. Her journey from Illinois, Chicago to being the First Lady of the United States was inspiring on so many levels. From her first job to being The First lady was not easy, but she never gave up. 

Embrace yourself, embrace your identity, and most importantly, do it as a gift to yourself and not for others.

Nelisha Cutinha