Ode to Self in Two Parts
Ode to Past Self
If we were to speak today, you would scream until you were raw. The opportunity you labored over is no longer right for me. Your manifestation turned reality is now my past. I do not apologize, for I am different from you; perhaps more evolved, more connected to myself. You were lost, wildly searching for a morsel of stability, self-worth, reassurance. I am grateful; for I would not be in this state—both physically and spiritually—if it weren’t for you. Your persistence delivered me here. I am indebted to you.
How I wish I could mother you. Hold you sweetly as you violently buck at the scorch of a gentle embrace. Do not surrender to the weight of the world, but to the guidance of the universe. Do not resist. Your ambition and dedication coupled with the higher beings will lead you to this very moment. My cacti are greener because you nourished me so.
Thank you,
Ode to Future Self
Oh, how I dream of you! I used to believe that I was searching for the love of my life, a grand story coupled with another. However, the longer I live, the more this imagined partner melts away. The man of my dreams, the woman of my dreams, the person of my dreams is now but a blurred image. The harder I try to conjure a soulmate, I habitually imagine you. You are my greatest love. You are intelligent, ambitious. You are radiant, self-assured. You are success, beauty.
Everything I do is for you. Every calculated decision leads to you. I will craft our story—your past—as I have written my inklings. I am both a creation and creator. I am both heavenly and earthly. I am but a woman attempting to write our fate. I will find you. I will love you. Intentionally, I will become you. I will become the woman of my dreams. Through my heart, you speak to me, guiding me to happiness, safety. You have scared me, I will not lie; the times your voice has slipped from my throat. Forcing me to say the things I have been too afraid to say aloud and make them true. But I am no longer afraid of the truth thanks to you.
