To Float or to Fall: A Heart-led Analysis on Surrendering
Season 3 Episode 6
In this episode of Wellspringwords: The Podcast, Nkem sits with herself and verbally thinks about the role “surrender” plays in her life and how she sees it playing out in the collective human journey. She speaks about surrendering to our personal cycles and surrendering to love as she engages the metaphor of floating or falling while in a period of surrender. Get comfy and join her for this intimate in-the-bed chat. Scroll below for the topic timestamps.
Nkem starts this episode with intention — intentional thinking, communicating, and listening. This episode’s intention, in particular, is to facilitate conversation around what it means to surrender, both in her personal life and on the collective level. We have all seen and felt what surrender looks like in our individual lives, especially with the pandemic and all of the uncertainty it has brought. The past few years have required us to free fall, fly, dream, cope, and stick together as we reshape our minds to adapt and make sense of our new reality. Before we move forward, you may be wondering, what does “surrender” actually mean? The word has held a negative connotation for so long, quite like “vulnerability”, meaning weak, powerless, quitting, or unable to put up the energy or force to achieve an optimal outcome. These words have also been used to belittle people and make them seem small. There is another just as valid way of looking at “surrender”, though: trusting in something bigger than yourself and just being.
“We may be in a part of a cycle in our lives where we need to be nurtured, or it may be a time in our creative process where we can feel the tide shifting as we enter into a flow state full of connection and ease.“
One process of surrender is surrendering to our personal cycles. While Nkem speaks about this from her own personal experience, our feelings and core experiences as humans are often felt universally. Nkem came from a lifestyle that was about doing, achieving, working, being productive, and showing your achievements in a material way — or in other words, “pics or it didn’t happen.” The obstacle that paradigm poses is that it doesn’t allow us as humans to just flow and embrace our own essence. Personal essence here means your you-ness — who you are, the energy you give off, and ultimately, all of you in your most truthful, authentic, and highest representation of yourself. Sometimes we feel and connect with our essence through deep reflection with ourselves, or we might see it reflected in those around us. Those moments of clarity can remind us how beautiful we truly are. When you don’t feel that whole understanding of your essence, it can be difficult to see how it is worth fighting to release yourself from the mainstream paradigm we are all so accustomed to.
A deeper understanding of our essence and our personal cycles can be extremely helpful in allowing us to understand when we are at our optimal state — especially if you’re a creative person. Nkem has been tracking her personal cycles through her menstrual cycle over the past year. She tracks how she feels and her thoughts, as well as her connection to spirit and heart during the four phases of her cycle. This has allowed her to better understand when it's the best time to do certain things or not to do them, during specific phases like when she’s ovulating or just before her period. She feels a distinct shift in her mind, heart, and body. This understanding is essential when it comes to assessing our needs. We may be in a part of a cycle in our lives where we need to be nurtured, or it may be a time in our creative process where we can feel the tide shifting as we enter into a flow state full of connection and ease. Understanding our personal cycles helps us figure out how we tune into that power as well as our own essence and personal journey.
Learning who we are at our best and at our worst allows us insight into the call of the heart, as opposed to that of the body or mind. That being said, inner power is more easily accessible when your heart and mind are in sync. The catch when it comes to surrendering to your heart is that it doesn’t happen when you decide you are ready for it. You cannot manipulate or control the process of surrender — you may just get pushed off of a (metaphorical) ledge, and then you get to decide whether you want to float or fall. Surrendering also thrives when you create a core belief of your truth, your power, and your ultimate destiny; from there, things inevitably start to blossom. In this process, you can open yourself up to finding new ways to seek more out of life, learn about yourself, and look for what exists outside of what you know: you can float and flow! It’s about having fun with curiosity without the constraints of being strict, rigid, and analytical, because the way our minds are wired can make one doubt lead to another until our thoughts spiral downward.
“When that kind of love presents itself, perhaps in a person or a hobby, you must dare to play with and bask in the light it shines on you and feel deserving of the warmth and care it showers you with.”
Surrendering doesn’t mean ignoring those doubts and habits of overthinking, though. In order to get to a place of love, of peace, we also have to surrender to pain as the pain is the path to love. As we get older, we often become so good at ignoring pain on the conscious level, but the subconscious doesn’t have that ability to put up a facade. The subconscious is louder and more profound, so the conscious level works as a tool to bring out the energies of the subconscious, making them work in our physical reality.
Despite discussing these concepts of love and surrender in the age of the internet and trendy interpretations of spirituality, Nkem senses a revolution on the rise regarding the way in which we share our gifts and soul missions with the world. The way wellness and spirituality are currently marketed and commodified will hopefully be changing soon. Now, there are a lot more people trying to genuinely help others go through their journeys and support them instead of people who suck all of your energy because they're still trying to maintain control.
Say you know the time has come in your life to welcome surrender, but still find it very difficult to keep yourself together — especially if you’re falling instead of floating, because it can seem like there is nothing to attach yourself to. Nkem believes the answer is attaching yourself to love: love as tenderness, nurturing, and your inner child that wants to freely play and share themselves with the world. Love, not just in the way we normally think about it as a feeling between people, but love for the world and the ability to see happiness, beauty, and wonder in existence. When that kind of love presents itself, perhaps in a person or a hobby, you must dare to play with and bask in the light it shines on you and feel deserving of the warmth and care it showers you with. Nkem reflects on this subject as part of her daily life, and reconciles that she’s not one to surrender easily because of her ego or what she calls, her “false self”. When the false self appears to be calling the shots, you have to recognize it is not time for that part of you to be in the driver’s seat. In Nkem’s case, in those moments, inevitably, her higher self takes over to gently tell her ego that it is time to recognize all of the more meaningful and textured parts of her journey present and ahead. As personal cycles often develop, once you get comfortable in one cycle of surrendering, the next one will soon arrive. Once you recognize those cycles, you can prepare for them a bit more in your clear moments of reflection and reap the personal and spiritual benefits they have to offer.
Let us know what this episode brought to mind or heart for you in a podcast review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser, on Instagram, or via email at bewell@wellspringwords.love. Be well!
Topic timestamps
0:10 - Introduction
1:52 - “Surrender” as the theme for this episode
3:42 - What does “surrender” actually mean?
5:33 - Surrendering to our personal cycles
6:57 - Being in your own essence
8:56 - What does it feel like to be in an optimal state?
12:38 - Learning the call of the heart
14:03 - Surrendering to your heart
15:59 - To float or fly? Trust or fear?
17:51 - Directing our energy towards what fulfills us
20:14 - Surrendering to pain to get to love
20:59 - The conscious mind as a tool
22:05 - This is all part of something bigger
23:10 - Change is coming in the wellness and “spirituality” space
26:50 - Attach yourself to love when in surrender
28:26 - Dare to play with the light
29:29 - Where does the ego come into play here?
31:21 - Stay connected and dive into more
References and resources mentioned in this episode (or not mentioned)
Wild Power: Discover the Magic of Your Menstrual Cycle and Awaken the Feminine Path to Power
Fear: Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm
Find Nkem here:
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