How I Learned To Love My Melanin Body
photo of writer, Kandice Foster
Growing up in a small town in Alaska, I was always made fun of for the way I look — from my skin tone, to my style, and even to my body.
At an early age, my parents taught me I would be made fun of or treated differently because of my skin tone, so I grew to have “thick” skin when it came to that. My style was different as I was more of a tomboy, and my body shape was not what you saw on tv. As I became a teenager, I noticed how I didn’t look like any of the women in my family. Everyone’s body shape was like a curvy pear where I looked like a straight cucumber with no body shape at all. I remember my sister always making fun of me by calling my boobs cherries because they were so small. This type of body shaming didn’t stop with her, but continued with classmates, teammates, and even church members. It definitely did something to my psyche.
Throughout all of high school, and even after, I maintained the same weight at 115 pounds — that all stopped when I got pregnant with my first child at 21. When I gave birth to my son, I weighed in at 205 pounds. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, not recognizing myself anymore. I started to shame my body with negative comments all the time, but I didn’t realize the damage I was doing.
It wasn’t until 3 months after giving birth that I started to see a change within my own negative self-talk because I was seeing a change in my body. Breastfeeding helped a lot with my body slowly getting back into the shape I once knew, but it was then that I decided to fully work on my body. I started to eat more live food than processed food, I exercised more, and drank more water. Not only did I start those habits, but I started to give myself more positive talks than negative ones. My psyche was changing, and the results were amazing.
“…but this time, I didn’t do any negative self-talk. I was actually appreciating my body even more than before — this time, for what it had gone through.”
I got down to 130 pounds and I was happy at that size. I was now curvy and healthy. I loved the fact that I had boobs, ass, and even started to look like the women in my family.
For 7 ½ years I stayed at that weight, until I got pregnant again with my youngest.
This time, I knew I was going to eat healthy, exercise, and be more aware of what I was doing in my lifestyle to not gain so much weight like the last time. As much as I did those things, I unfortunately had pregnancy complications. I developed preeclampsia, got sick, and I was put on bed rest until I could deliver my son early since he was weighing at 9 pounds at 8 months.
After giving birth, I weighed in again at 200 pounds. But this time, I didn’t do any negative self-talk. I was actually appreciating my body even more than before — this time, for what it had gone through. From previously having an ectopic pregnancy where I lost one of my fallopian tubes, then having a miscarriage, to still being able to give birth to a baby boy with no health problems, I realized what an amazing thing my body has done for me.
The minute I was able to start exercising after this second pregnancy, I did. I ate healthy food, breastfed, listened to my body when it signaled to me to take my time, but still exercised when I could in order to get myself back to how I was.
Three years later, I am happy to say that I totally embrace my melanin body. I love my stretch marks, I fully don’t mind the FUPA anymore, and I love the way I can completely look at myself in the mirror with just love from head to toe, as this melanin skin is an amazing temple.
